Emotional Premium

I was, to be honest, quite happy to abandon this little mind-dump of mine last October. Yet almost a year later I was back to the same place, updating the Microblog for a, hopefully, new wave of readers that I will gain after I re-inject some life (not just any life, but my very own precious) back into Germany (Under the Microblog). C'est la vie, und so ist das Lebens.

How does it feel, you might ask, to come back to Germany after an exciting year doing all sorts of nothingness that amounts to absolutely no earthly good? I must say the answer is less than satisfying for anyone who comes here looking for some assurance on the glorious prospect of living in Germany. ---- I feel sick. Ground-splitting-right-between-your-groin-while-on-stilts kind of sick.

Perhaps somewhere in my head I am blaming the country, the source of my personal misadventure, and its people the culprits of the great May 21 of my life --- A beautiful lie, a series of unfortunate events outside insurance coverage. What a high emotional premium I paid!

However, I realized something. --- This is A way to pursuit happiness: to accept, or even invite, constant suffering in exchange for once, twice, or none, but explosive when it occurs, rewarding dream-come-true moment. People who hold this alternative, but no at all uncommon take on life, performs short-term rites and make long-term decisions that ruin their lives in majority opinions because they look down on regular, steady results, and put their money on rare, unpredictable once-in-a-lifetime event that would generate disproportionate reward and take them out of their misery once and for all. They are not the ones that pay regularly to their retirement mutual funds account. --- They don't need a retirement mutual funds account.

So out of chaos there is nevertheless a pattern. May my random-walkings (again) in Germany bring many happy tidings.